Inside you is an Ugly Betty, an Elle Woods or a Desperate Housewife. A flawed woman, an imperfect woman eager to make herself more perfect for someone else, to be what someone else thinks of them, someone who is sometimes overwhelmed by the things she doesn’t have but wants to live a happier life and feel more complete. So often as a woman we live our life constantly battling what is expected of us and what we expect of ourselves. But most of the times I have learnt to appreciate the imperfectness that makes me a woman. There is something raw, pure and sublime about accepting the flaws that make you who you are. But its even more empowering to stop trying to be perfect; to stop measuring yourself with the yardsticks of another woman’s beauty, body, success, fame, money, popularity or peace. Being an imperfect woman is living a full life, it is dipping your hands deep into the jar of life and licking each emotion off, one finger at a time. Its tolerating the taste of bitterness, savoring the flavor of peace, resisting the taste of jealousy, teasing yourself with the smells of success, relishing the bursts of selflessness, swallowing the seeds of fears, biting down the bits of impatience. I am an imperfect woman and I don’t always handle myself with aplomb. I err, I cry, I laugh and I fight and I am happy accepting that. Because its all these imperfections bundled together that makes me, the unique me.
Conversations with God
An excerpt from a conversation with my 2yr 8 month old :-
Me: You keep asking me why for every little thing Pranav. I don’t know everything!
Pranav: Why don’t you know everything?
Me: Because only God knows everything and I am not God.
Pranav: I know everything. I am God.
Me: Fine. You are God.
Pranav: Why?
……
First Draft
Has already been edited. Here is the second.
…….
The moon emerged from her mouth.
She swallowed the universe whole,
chewed on little planets,
pushed aside galaxies with her tongue
till comets came rushing out
Laughing, tumbling over each other
zooming away before they clash
into smoky nothingness.
Little asteroids falling out
burnt the moon’s ground.
Then she felt a black little hole
pulling on her insides
and she fell inwards
melting, dissipating.
Leaving behind a moon, proud.
Filed under Life
Being a woman
is learning to be ok with what you dislike
to be happy, sad or neutral, learning to live your emotions
making an uninfluenced choice
is finding freedom in little things – a meal, book or dance,
to float even when you think life is tied down,
to sink so you rise above
is knowing to stop, tormenting yourself with thoughts
doubts, depressions, worthlessness- when your mind whimpers
close the door, leave negativity out
is not letting yourself down,
break self-imposed barriers
ignore gossip and envious ones around
is knowing you have all you ever need
till you choose to bring in more, being a woman after all
is life’s toughest role.
Discovering Humility in myself
Today a random book I was reading taught me a valuable lesson on humility. The book had nothing to do with writing, ego or humility, but as I was reading it I realized that in the past two years I had let my ego, rise, soar and float high above. Why? I don’t know. I never thought of myself as an accomplished writer who has met all her life goals. I mostly feel like a struggling newbie. But somehow over the past couple of years, I let the number of years I have been doing this get to me. I started to respond to people with an authority that is terribly unbecoming of a writer, whatever your stature maybe. And somehow the humility and geniality disappeared.
It is so important for a writer to stay, warm, human and funny. People are drawn to writer who they can connect with. It is the aura of goodwill and creativity that connects you to your customer. And people can sense it when a writer’s priorities are herself and not the person she is writing for.
Luckily I never let be as audacious or get a big bloated head. Luckily my spiritual endeavors always set me right back on track. And what a joyous feeling it is to shed myself of my ego. I feel lighter happier and more energetic. Raring to write now. Write well, write more and write for more, all the while staying true to myself and my client.
Filed under Life
Late update
Chicken Soup for the College Soul (Indian edition) released earlier this year. One of my stories is in it. Do buy it/read it and let me know if you liked it.
6 bags and a new life
As I filled bags with thing to bring to the US, I scanned through seven years worth of accumulated things. Some things I gave away, others I packed and stored. But the memories, lessons, gains and losses of seven years have all come here with me. Sitting on the flight, I was determined to make this stay different from the previous one. I actually began blogging seven years ago, during my first stint in the US. The blogging has always been infrequent all these years. But in recent times the writing is more frequent and this time around I intend to keep it that way.
After 20 frenzied days of ticking off to-do lists, nursing family, farewells and promises, I sat on the plane unable to shed a tear. When there is much to be done, the emotional side of me doesn’t kick in. Once here, overwhelmed with the changes , the tears threatened to flow a couple of times. But life has again taken its course. Schedules are being set in the midst of confused minds. It has been two weeks since we landed in the US and this home is beginning to feel a little like mine. Life has been great despite the many little hurdles, which time and again only reinforces my belief in how the universe works for you, if only you believe.
But the writing is yet to begin. Pranav is still pretty unsettled. College has started for S and so his life will pretty much follow a routine now. This place is beautiful. The Charles River is a two minutes walk from my home and I can see downtown Boston just across from there. MIT campus seems to buzz with an energy that is infectious ( or maybe its just me buzzing to be creative). I feel optimistic, I feel hopeful, I feel alive. There is so much say. Hopefully the blog will say it all in the months to come.
Filed under Life, MIT, MIT Chronicles, Personal
Describe your family, the american way
It is only in the US that you will be forced to think about what kind of family you are and define it. While filling a form, the options included adoptive parents, single parent, interracial, LBGT, Grandparent caretaker, Parents with custody of children, Allergies, Have special needs child(ren), Have twins/multiples, Vegetarian/vegan
Halal and Kosher.
With so many options, I was actually confused for a second. My child was mine, but if my in-laws came and took care of him when they come visit, what would I be then? In the end, I decided I was a vegetarian parent and the parent with legal custody. It was a gentle reminder of the year ahead .
Filed under Life
Today
Buddha finds no receptive heart
to speak words to.
In a land prostituted a billion times
who calls compassion a virtue?
Water now comes in shiny plastic
with a double figure price,
tigers are preyed on
killed for their skin and insides,
a woman is murdered
for using her will or mind,
man is classified by his caste,
religion or sexual life.
In this maddening chaos
where pain leads passion astray,
a man robs for food,
hate is the balm for pain,
my search is for voices of love
with answers to grief,
I seek hearts willing to reason,
minds craving peace.
